Pursuit Of Nappyness...

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I remember when I was a boy, how I hated the present.  And even more than the present, I was disgusted with the way I wasted time in the past.  With that in perspective, young MT would look towards the far future, hoping that it would be brighter than the demise that was laid before him. Now years later my feelings on time has changed.  I relish in the present, for these days are more eventful than I could dream of.  My past is riddled with mistakes, many of which has helped me become who I am today.  I regret little to nothing, and even the things I regret I would not change.  But my future…. that is what scares me now.  That is what I cannot fathom anymore.  It took me a while to realize why I can’t “see” a future with me in it.  It is because I’m losing the ability to dream.

Yes, that gift that all children are giving, something I held on to longer than most individuals; the ability to dream, I am losing my grip on it.  Dreaming is a child’s version of hope, and it is hope that keeps us alive as a civilization.  People who have given up this ability to dream often transition and gain the ability to hope.  This transition is simply maturity, which most individuals go through due to the responsibilities placed on them as they grow older.

I am slowly going through this “maturing” process and realizing I can no longer hold on to “dream” and I must go and obtain “hope”.  But it is in this transition I fear that I may not get “hope”.  That I’ll be stuck in this blankness of myself.  I can feel myself losing my youth and going into adulthood.  I’ve stopped thinking about things such as “perfect” and “love” and “true happiness” and replaced them with “settle” and “possible” and “content”.  The fear I have isn’t of the mystery of maturity I’m diving into, but the fear of losing what I held close to me for so long.  I honestly don’t know what type of person I would’ve been if i didn’t dream dreams.  So if I lose that ability, what will happen to me?

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→ Characters Set | Final Fantasy X

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Star Wars

Created by James Oconnell

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Take a sip of this…

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